Guaranteed Sugar Coma

 

Oh hello beautiful.You look so happy there, waiting to be baked into delicious wonderfulness.

Have you ever wondered what would happen if you baked frosting? I never really did, I just thought it would turn into a charred mess. However, I stumbled upon a recipe for Chocolate Puddle Cookies on 101 Cookbooks. It looked pretty good. Then I saw some Chocolate Chewies at Whole Foods, and they looked sickly fabulous, and the ingredients were the exact same! 

So, as part of my Epic Hump Day (4/28/10 - this day generated numerous posts, so stay tuned), I whipped up some "Give yourself a cavity chocolate cookies." I modified 101's recipe just slightly, and it pretty much resulted in a sugar coma. I may be too old to handle the chocolatey wonderfulness of these cookies. They're the kind of cookies that only kids can really eat. They NEED some nice cold milk to go with them. Also, I recommend a detox diet of purely vegetables afterward, for at least the next 3 meals, so you don't give yourself Type 2 diabetes.

 Oh wow. Look at the batter. Basically its just frosting ingredients, plus chocolate chips, because, you know, pure sugar isn't sweet enough.

These delicious cookies are going to the bike shop workers who made my day today. The Bike Genius put sweet new tires and a chain on my bike, and tightened my aero armrest, which has been driving me nuts. And he was really nice to me, even though I'm hopeless when it comes to bikes. I think the bike shop workers think I'm mildly amusing. Also, the Token Girl at the bike shop (she is necessary because I'm pretty sure most of the guys don't talk...ever) helped me pick out a SWEET Qunitana Roo wetsuit, and then applied my wonderful team discount to full effect, so I didn't set my credit card on fire. I just singed it slightly.

So, as always, I show my appreciation with delicious baked goods. Because I really appreciate my bike shop gurus, who help me survive biking and properly equip me for tris. And, as a side note, these cookies were a SMASHING success.

Glorious.

 Give Yourself A Cavity Chocolate Cookies

4 c. powdered sugar
1/2 c. plus 3 tbs unsweetened cocoa powder
scant 1/2 tsp kosher salt
scant 1/2 tsp instant coffee powder
4 large egg whites
about 1c. chocolate chips
1 tbs vanilla extract

1. Preheat oven to 320 degrees. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper
2. Mix all the ingredients really well using a whisk attachment if you're using a stand mixer
3. Place about 2 tsp. worth of batter in mounds onto the parchment paper. I guess these cookies are supposed to spread a lot, but mine didn't....go figure. When the cookies are supposed to spread, they don't, and when they're supposed to get puffy and chewy, they spread all over. Anyways, only do 6 cookies on a sheet at a time. 
4. Bake 12-15 min. I did 12 and they were lava in the center...YUM.

Danger Will Robinson, Danger!

uuUuuuUuuUUggGGGggghhHHhhhhhh...

The internet is a dangerous place. On the internet, you can find all kinds of dangerous information. How to grow hydroponic pot, how to make bombs, how to cheat at all kinds of things, probably how to print fake money, how to start a drug cartel, and all those other unsavory activities. But, or all the dangerous things you can learn how to do on the internet, the worst, most terrible, most dangerous is How to Make Microwave Chocolate Cake.

I found my recipe for online microwave chocolate cake at Dizzy Dee. And let me tell you, it is a terrible thing. It makes one big, giant, chocolaty slab of cake. Of course tonight I made a few modifications. Because I'm on this applesauce-in-my-baked-goods kick, I omitted the egg and oil and instead used lite cinnamon applesauce. I also added a small handful of chocolate chips. I also only cooked it for about 2:30-2:45 which results in a very moist, sometimes gooey cake. And of course, I topped it with some powdered sugar.

Now, I have a terrible tummy ache. Sooooo full. Chinese food for dinner + microwave chocolate cake = owie owie tummy.   :-(  If you are having a terrible chocolate cake craving, and are fearing for the lives of those around you unless you get some chocolate NOW, make this tasty, fast, quazi-homemade cake. But beware of the painful after effects. :-)

Nutella Biscotti

 Mmmm. My whole house smells like warm, baking nutella thanks to these yummy biscotti. And they don't even have any Nutella in them!

This recipe was my first attempt at biscotti. Its not something I eat all the time, just occasionally. This is probably due to the fact that its hardly ever freshly made biscotti, but rather the kind in plastic wrap sitting next to the cash register at the coffee shop. That doesn't really appeal to me. Also, its usually chalk full o' nuts, which I also don't like. Its not that I don't like nuts exactly, but I don't really love them. So I usually avoid them, especially in desserts, and always request "no nuts" and always pass up the dessert with the nuts in them. But, I was having a crazy chocolate biscotti craving the other day, and it seems you can't really make biscotti without nuts.*

I want to say I got this recipe from Cookie Madness, but I can't say for sure. You know what, actually, I think I got it from Pioneer Woman. Whatever. I DO know that, as per usual, I made a bunch of modifications to the original recipe. I used sliced almonds, with a very few pecans in place of "chopped nuts" which made them tastier to me, a non-nut person. I also used whole wheat flour in place of all purpose, and I added a generous tsp. of Hazelnut syrup, the kind you put in your coffee, to the recipe too, to give them the Nutella-y flavor.

Chocolate Nutella-y Biscotti

2 c. whole wheat flour

1/2 c. unsweetened cocoa powder

2 tbs. cocoa powder

3/4 tsp baking soda

1 tsp salt

3/4 stick unsalted butter

1 c. sugar

2 large eggs, lightly beaten

1 tsp. vanilla

3/4 c. sliced almonds (or 1 c. chopped nuts, if you like that sort of thing)

4 oz. chopped bittersweet chocolate

1. Preheat oven to 350
2. Beat butter and sugar together until pale, about two minutes, may be crumbly. Scrape down sides of bowl, add eggs and vanilla, beat two more minutes.
3. Sift in dry ingredients in 3 additions, mixing only until dough forms. Mix in nuts and chocolate. Knead any unmixed ingredients in.
4. Divide dough in half. Roll into 12" long logs. Flatten with your hand so they are 1" x 2" x 12"
5. Place on baking sheet, sprinkle with sugar (in my chocolate biscotti craving frenzy, I forgot this step)
6. Bake 25 min
7. Cool for 20 min
8. Cut each log into 1/2-3/4" thick slices; stand them up on baking sheet. Bake again 10 min ok, I didn't get this "stand them up" direction. The only flat surface my biscotti had were the edges where I cut them, and putting them on those sides wasn't "standing them up" but laying them down. So I just spread the slices around the baking sheet, and everything came out fine.
9. Cool on a rack and ENJOY! 

Again, I froze the leftovers, and ate them for a few days. Then I served them to my family for Easter (big hit) and sent the extras with my brother. He is a swimmer at a DI school, and eats like it. I think he was a little overwhelmed by all the baked goods I sent with him. My mom always makes baked goods for him and the team after meets too, so its not like he's not used to it.

 

*That's crap. Of course you can make biscotti without nuts. And I now have a recipe for oatmeal raisin cookie biscotti, which I'm super psyched about trying, but found after I made these, and wouldn't have satisfied my chocolate biscotti craving anyways. If I had had better chocolate chips lying around, I wouldn't have made these with nuts.